Whatever you thought of being yourself

From this meeting the text is available:

Germany, Munich, September 16, 2002.
> If you have anything to say from here, I would be delighted.
< That’s quite a restriction.
> How is it a restriction to speak from here?
< Hello. That leaves me with my prepared story.
> That’s probably a relief.
< I’m not sure yet. And from here I can say that I am in the midst of all possible mixed emotions and that it is okay.
> Yes.
< One of the emotions is the fear, projected to the future of losing this. While I know that I cann’t loose it.
> Ja.
< In fact I am afraid that I will go into deep suffering. And I know it will happen.
> I am not so sure. My sense is that it will be different.
< It’s all the time different.
> My sense is that everything will come up, but that it will not be believed in as it has been believed in before. You have seen to much.
< Yes.
> Cause, the only thing that really makes you suffer is when you try to solve it with your mind. Other than that it is just sensations and whatever you thought of as yourself falling apart. That’s not such a big deal. That’s a bit of a relief.
< I will email you my prepared story. And I thank you very much for having me sing this essential no:As long as the me is here it will never leave me. We’ll go down together, me and the no. I’m leaving tonight and I am very very very afraid that I will be back in the weekend. But if not: bye bye, thank you.
> Aah, I love watching this unfold for both of us.
< Pfff. There is still al little feeling that I have to make space, but I am space so I can sit in it over there. Thank you.
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