Sunday, June 29 2014.
Well, that was a surprizing night and day.
Saturday night I went for my very first peyote experience.
This happening took place in the maloca of Earl Grey, somewhere in the south of Holland. (Earl Grey before 1, Earl Grey before 2).
The ceremony was lead by Don Andrés Carillo Bautista.
Here is the introductory information that I received:
I was requested to mention the shaman’s name in relation to the Mother Earth Project.
The English site in under construction. Here is their German website.
From that website I can show you a picture of Don Andrés Carillo Bautista.
Shaman and helpers included, we were a group of thirty people.
Because of the rain chances we were inside the maloca, in a big circle around the open fire in the middle.
After some introductory talking and a round of energetic cleansing, (the shaman and helper going around with the for me well known actions with feathers and burning sage), we were invited to come one by one to receive the first dose of peyote powder stirred in a cup of water.
It had been announced that the shaman would do five rounds of singing during the night. He started after we all had our cup.
The night became sort of timeless and I became a spectator; the situation where nothing really changes and yet something is different but you can’t tell what it is that’s different.
After the first singing the shaman told us that Kauyumari had come and had told him that this night we only would take two cups of the brew, not more. And we could decide for ourselves the moment to take the second one.
I decided to wait a while. Most people went for their second cup.
And as I had the impression that there was no effect whatsoever, I also went for a second cup.
The shaman said something like: there is no need to take more. When you have the vision, you can start working with the fire. The Kauyumari and the spirit of the fire are
the same, Kauyumari is in the fire. It was added that when you did not have the vision, you certainly could come and ask for more.
The night turned even more into what it already had turned into: a surprized being observed structureless happening with a circle of calm people and for me no effect worth mentioning.
I went for a third portion and I noticed that the shaman added a second spoon in my cup before water was added.
At some moment I even went for a fourth dosis and it was served to me.
Till the end of the ceremony, while it was already getting light outside, I just felt a slightly enhanced body awareness.
Then something seemed to be happening. People started moving out and in. Then it was said that there was a fire going on in the chimney. A bit later all of us went outside. People started talking. I noticed that I hardly could walk and I felt like lying down and hide away. The announced closing of the ceremomy kept hanging in the air. And was actually happening a bit later inside. Yet there was so much smoke there, that I decide to go out again. I felt pulled apart by the need to be with the group and my strong need to get fresh air. The whole thing got me out of my comfort zone. And that would stay with me a good portion of the day ahead. I felt lost and unhappy and shy and in need for attention. I basicly felt like i felt in my youth. And all this without the layers of survival strategies that had been formed in those younger years. The cover up with a lot of noise was missing. It felt, and in a way this was a relief, very vulnerable and naked. And I gave in to it.
Around six in the morning there was a breakfast served and I ate something.
Then for a few hours I tried to sleep in the maloca. I was feeling fiery energetic and had a repeating dream with homosexual attration as its subject. At a point I had the idea that at least partly the place kept me in this repetition. I took my duvet and found myself a place under the tall pines. And did another few rounds of sweaty, feverish sleeping.
At some moment I stood up to get something to drink and saw the shaman and his helper just finishing something. What are they doing, I asked. They were giving healings and have just finished. I asked if I also could have a healing and they agreed to go on with this. It felt as if I bought some extra attention. And that was okay for me.
I ended up lying there, looking around and watching all the pine cones lying around with a calm that I only remember from my childhood and from sometimes after retreats. So, a calm that was new and old at the same time.
At some moment one of the few group members that had not yet left, asked me if he could ride with me to Amsterdam. (Someone would take him, but that person had apparently forgotten about him and was already gone). I asked him if he could drive.And yes, he could. So, suddenly I had a car with a driver.
And was delivered home.
End of a rather somatic journey.
There has been no colourfull whatsoever.
No opening of the third eye.
Something that I kind of tried to push a bit out of curiosity.
Yet, that’s not how it works.
Also not with peyote.
Yet, it kind of brought me more down to earth.
How close can we get?