Is there anybody out there?

pfthewall

 

 

 

 

I followed the impulse to ask for permission to publish the following mail that was written today.

So, with permission:

 

How are you doing? (Me asking this).

Oh Man!
(suffering)                  (Friend answering).

 

All I can do for you, for me, is feel your pain and embrace it.

For the rest, in language pointing at what is here always.
Wel, you know the language, there is nowhere to go etc.

Yet, as long as we think we exist, it makes sense to seek.
Heard that yesterday beautifully put in words by Francis Lucille in the first 15 minutes of this youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNmnRuf8LTk

Duality reappeared,

And where is it appearing in?

separation hurts,

Yes, it fucking hurts.
(You know the so called fuck-tape of Osho? He originally gave this answer after a lady sannyassin complained about his rude language: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6D7rWLzloOI)

and its freakin’ cold in my flat, the shower not really working and the renter left for holiday, so there is little i can do – apart from putting on 3 layers of clothes and moonboots INSIDE.

Yeah, taking a moonwalk thru your overdue maintenance practicallities.
Start 1-minute actions.

I’d so like to take a break from this life, just cannot receive it “as the beloved” right now. 🙁

Stop fighting her, she wants you.

I guess living as close to the waterline as you do may be cold too at times…
What do YOU do to stay warm?

I put the heater up, works fine. Up till now.
((When I was in India last Januari the heater stopped and was repaired. Few month ago it stopped again and the whole thing was replaced by a new one).

This last week in the cold almost pushed the nice memories out of the system, which in itself is painful to notice. Makes me sad, to find these words….

At the moment you wrote this, the beloved showed up as sadness.
Just feel it, cry, take good care of yourself.

My own nervous system is a rather neurotic one.
Already working on it since 1997.

When I was starting the construction of the second B&B I was rather tired from the first one, and as I was often working alone and living on the job so to speak, as a means to slow myself down and have the body get some attention, I gave myself on my 60th birthday (Tomorrow 6 years ago) a massage as a present.
Since then I go to this sauna mostly twice a week and have a massage by Paul the Sufi. He massages me for 45 minutes and sings spiritual songs to that too.
In Paradisum, for instance. Without the bells though. http://www.youtube.comwatch?v=7kK2m-EdQoI

As we know: the nature of experience is: constantly changing…

It is just a matter of words, I know.
But.
But. But.
The nature of experience is awareness and the so called content of experience is changing.
Fortunately, otherwise we would not have an experience at all.

(……)

therefore – in a way – i find myself waiting for a better experience…

Not therefor. You are fighting reality and waiting for a better experience is a easy way out of feeling the pain of it.
Alas, dissociation also hurts, this pain is just better camouflaged.

Reminds me of the time in satsang where it happened that looking thru boredom happened.
See the text of this here: https://www.hansvandergugten.nl/?p=2284

Tear Down the Wall

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLwah-q6Z8E

Love, …..

Hug,

hans

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